Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Scary time for us

I am sitting in what looks to me like a reflection bench. Time to sit and think. Plenty of room to have personal space. I wonder how many 1000's of people-parents - loved ones before me sat here reflecting on what their lives have become. This is CHOP- childrens hospital of Philly. Our son Gavin was brought in last night from our area hospital via ambulance. Gav is 17.5 years old and an EMT himself. So this was undoubtedly strange for him to be the one wheeled around. He is a proud young man with a high tolerance for pain. I knew something was quite off when he agreed to let me take him to the ER.
Many tests and hours later all we know is his spleen is very large. His White blood count is scary low and his platelets are also too low to be healthy.
I truly feel like we are in an episode of House. Tons of tests and no answers. At least not yet. The doctors and staff so far are wonderful. They have kept his severe back pain limited with warm compresses and meds. I finally left the room so I could stretch my body. I need to avoid letting my usual rituals go in fear I will have a strong Fibro flair up. I can't imagine letting that happen. I need to be here wholly for Mr. Gav.
My walk revealed something wonderous and yet overwhelmingly devastating. The sheer scope of this hospital is undeniable. It is 100% dedicated to just children. I am sitting looking over a common area 4 floors up. Surround this and me is rooms on top of rooms on top of more floors of rooms for some very sick children. It iscwonderful here and yet as scary as any horror film I have ever seen. The littlest angels are wheeled past me with their mommas in tow, seemingly to another test. Mothers and fathers sit on nearby benches staring in oblivion, holding their heads in their hands, some crying, one fixing her makeup to hide her tear marked face others sharing with others their battle stories of how they are trying to save their childs life.
My heart is the heaviest it has ever been and I wonder where we will fall in with our beloved Gavin. Will this place become apart of our forseeable future or will we get to sneak away with our baby never to return?



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

16 Comments:

just me said...

HUGE prayers again for you, your family, and specially gavin.

by Wendy Leaumont said...

Love you guys - I am praying tonight.

Creepy_Creations said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Jamie

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you too....hang in there, and make sure you take care of yourself as well as Gavin.
It sounds like you are in good hands

blessings
Sharon

Mealy Monster Land said...

my thoughts and prays are with you and Gavin, Dani.

Shes Off Her Rocker said...

Dani...you are a strong Mamma bear...know that we are praying and sendng good thoughts for him from here in N.C. Love you all.

Chris said...

Thinking about Gavin and you all. Keep us posted.

mentalmulch said...

You are in my thoughts.
Roxanne

Southern Fried Art said...

In our prayers sending hugs

LLA Creations said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

sUz said...

oh daNi! i can't even imagine. love and light for your sweet strong boy and for his sweet strong mama.
big hugs, sUz

Light and Shadow Studio said...

Dani, my prayers and thoughts are also with you, your son, and family. Please continue to take care of yourself and take it hour by hour. You are strong but you have a lot of people who care about you and we are here to help in anyway we can. If you need help, don't try to do it all alone, let us help where we can. Big hug.

yoborobo said...

Dani - I am sending you all my prayers, and buckets of strength. Much love to you and your family. xoxox - Pam

Johanna Parker said...

I'm thinking of you all and sending healing thoughts your way.....

~ Johanna

LuLu Kellogg said...

Dearest Dani~

I just now found out about your son. Please know I am thinking of you and your family and praying for his recovery.

Love,
LuLu♥

Iva Wilcox said...

Sending healing and positive thoughts to you and your precious son. I know the road you are on. Take care of yourself and know you have a world of friends holding your hand and praying for you and your family.
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
- Iva

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