I am sitting in what looks to me like a reflection bench. Time to sit and think. Plenty of room to have personal space. I wonder how many 1000's of people-parents - loved ones before me sat here reflecting on what their lives have become. This is CHOP- childrens hospital of Philly. Our son Gavin was brought in last night from our area hospital via ambulance. Gav is 17.5 years old and an EMT himself. So this was undoubtedly strange for him to be the one wheeled around. He is a proud young man with a high tolerance for pain. I knew something was quite off when he agreed to let me take him to the ER.
Many tests and hours later all we know is his spleen is very large. His White blood count is scary low and his platelets are also too low to be healthy.
I truly feel like we are in an episode of House. Tons of tests and no answers. At least not yet. The doctors and staff so far are wonderful. They have kept his severe back pain limited with warm compresses and meds. I finally left the room so I could stretch my body. I need to avoid letting my usual rituals go in fear I will have a strong Fibro flair up. I can't imagine letting that happen. I need to be here wholly for Mr. Gav.
My walk revealed something wonderous and yet overwhelmingly devastating. The sheer scope of this hospital is undeniable. It is 100% dedicated to just children. I am sitting looking over a common area 4 floors up. Surround this and me is rooms on top of rooms on top of more floors of rooms for some very sick children. It iscwonderful here and yet as scary as any horror film I have ever seen. The littlest angels are wheeled past me with their mommas in tow, seemingly to another test. Mothers and fathers sit on nearby benches staring in oblivion, holding their heads in their hands, some crying, one fixing her makeup to hide her tear marked face others sharing with others their battle stories of how they are trying to save their childs life.
My heart is the heaviest it has ever been and I wonder where we will fall in with our beloved Gavin. Will this place become apart of our forseeable future or will we get to sneak away with our baby never to return?
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