Do you have any interest in Spelunking? Well perhaps you could send a well equipped team to help me explore and analyze this downy right sorry azz situation I have gotten myself in.
I realize spelunking is considered an Extreme Sport but I assure you there will be many death defying maneuvers required to remedy this situation. Send Help STAT with a Prozac smoothie chaser please.
p.s. My Oregonian travel goodies will post this week for those who give a crap..lol-hugs! ;)