Yes, it is true at the current moment, my mind is a bad neighborhood. Where have I been, you may be wondering or not so much....I have been EVERYWHERE & absolutely F-ing NOWHERE. How is it possible that I have seemingly accomplished so much yet am absolutely nowhere near where I NEED to be?
I suppose this is a universal sentiment but when it is happening to me it seriously sucks and I am a tad bitter at the moment ;)
There is a reason my personal business name has "Ambition" in it. From the moment in my life (still remember the exact time and place when it hit me)the word AMBITION set off some sort of happy chaos in my mind. It felt like the word explained my whole purpose of being on this planet. Versus just being that crazy chick who always has something going on here, there and everywhere and OH..are you kidding me..she is doing what, now? The word ambition gave me purpose and therefor courage to follow through with my ambitions.
Now that purpose, that understood drive has been my constant companion for 10+ years now with the caveat being the occasional unwelcomed episodes that rear their ugly head at thee absolute worst time (One of life's curious mysteries)
My current quandary seems to be that I am pulled in 10 different directions and it is all of my own doing and I am not sure I would change any of it (well short of hitting the lottery and hiring oodles of staff).
No one thing is bad or even problematic accept that I am in the pooped out stage. I am behind on emails (back up to 370+/-Now 420 by post time of this!), I have very lil time to blog, sketch, write or create the art I need to create to be a happy gal. Christ, I swear am lucky if I see daylight and breathe fresh air once a week.
FM=Fibromyalgia is a serious pain in my f-ing ass. Ok, enough already, seriously..funny gag you pulled their fate but now it is time to reel it back in-please. You are f-ing up my mojo. Aging parents who enjoy testing me, Two teen boys who are great kids but still they are teens and 100% know how to irk me within an inch of insanity.
Well the list could go on and I KNOW we all have these random BS issues in our lives but I need a break so I can grab my dreams and goals for STJ. I have HUGE, I MEAN HUGE commitments and plans for SpookyTimeJingles.com in 2010 that I am hell bent on finishing and producing to help continue our world domination ;) I need this first for all of "my" STJ artist's but also to know that I CAN pull this off. Just that in itself is enough without the bunches of other variables that get thrown in.
My point is (in part;)...I miss talking, with you all. I miss the groups and other online communities that inspire me to be a better artist & person and to share my knowledge with others excitedly coming into this wonderful artful community we are so lucky to be part of.
I am hoping that this public venting (whining)will allow me to let the angst of the pressure that I put on myself-GO!
Now that I have done all that vomiting. I do want to seriously thank all of the SpookyTimeJingles.com artist's and supporters who have helped me keep my head above water during the last busy months. I 100% could NOT have accomplished a 1/4 of what we have done without all of you. The commitment and excitement you all bring to STJ is heart warming beyond compare. Thank you for turning STJ not just into a successful business but into a true family that I am so honored to be part of.
Heartfelt Hugs~
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