Thursday, December 3, 2009

My mind is a bad neighborhood to be in~

Yes, it is true at the current moment, my mind is a bad neighborhood. Where have I been, you may be wondering or not so much....I have been EVERYWHERE & absolutely F-ing NOWHERE. How is it possible that I have seemingly accomplished so much yet am absolutely nowhere near where I NEED to be?

I suppose this is a universal sentiment but when it is happening to me it seriously sucks and I am a tad bitter at the moment ;)

There is a reason my personal business name has "Ambition" in it. From the moment in my life (still remember the exact time and place when it hit me)the word AMBITION set off some sort of happy chaos in my mind. It felt like the word explained my whole purpose of being on this planet. Versus just being that crazy chick who always has something going on here, there and everywhere and OH..are you kidding me..she is doing what, now? The word ambition gave me purpose and therefor courage to follow through with my ambitions.

Now that purpose, that understood drive has been my constant companion for 10+ years now with the caveat being the occasional unwelcomed episodes that rear their ugly head at thee absolute worst time (One of life's curious mysteries)

My current quandary seems to be that I am pulled in 10 different directions and it is all of my own doing and I am not sure I would change any of it (well short of hitting the lottery and hiring oodles of staff).

No one thing is bad or even problematic accept that I am in the pooped out stage. I am behind on emails (back up to 370+/-Now 420 by post time of this!), I have very lil time to blog, sketch, write or create the art I need to create to be a happy gal. Christ, I swear am lucky if I see daylight and breathe fresh air once a week.

FM=Fibromyalgia is a serious pain in my f-ing ass. Ok, enough already, seriously..funny gag you pulled their fate but now it is time to reel it back in-please. You are f-ing up my mojo. Aging parents who enjoy testing me, Two teen boys who are great kids but still they are teens and 100% know how to irk me within an inch of insanity.

Well the list could go on and I KNOW we all have these random BS issues in our lives but I need a break so I can grab my dreams and goals for STJ. I have HUGE, I MEAN HUGE commitments and plans for in 2010 that I am hell bent on finishing and producing to help continue our world domination ;) I need this first for all of "my" STJ artist's but also to know that I CAN pull this off. Just that in itself is enough without the bunches of other variables that get thrown in.

My point is (in part;)...I miss talking, with you all. I miss the groups and other online communities that inspire me to be a better artist & person and to share my knowledge with others excitedly coming into this wonderful artful community we are so lucky to be part of.

I am hoping that this public venting (whining)will allow me to let the angst of the pressure that I put on myself-GO!

Now that I have done all that vomiting. I do want to seriously thank all of the artist's and supporters who have helped me keep my head above water during the last busy months. I 100% could NOT have accomplished a 1/4 of what we have done without all of you. The commitment and excitement you all bring to STJ is heart warming beyond compare. Thank you for turning STJ not just into a successful business but into a true family that I am so honored to be part of.

Heartfelt Hugs~


The Vintage Sister said...

So I'm thinking I should be serving alcohol next week? Can you use some help??
We'll have fun on Tuesday. It will be a wonderful day in my neighborhood!!

~dani~ said...

You so made me smile with your comment ;) I am so excited to come to your abode next week for a play date. I will enjoy it so much just by being around other living breathing things outside of my
If it wasn't for Marie Patterson, I swear I would have turned into a complete hermit long ago ;)

Shes Off Her Rocker said...

Dani...All will get better soon! You just need to live closer to me, that's all!! Ha ha ha! I can dream! I feel like you have described how I feel sometimes too..just part of a creative mind juxtaposed with hellbent ambitions. Take some time for YOU!!

Zan Asha said...

Hey Dani! I am sorry to hear about the insanity. While I know what it's like to be pulled in a million different directions, and be very frustrated not to get anything done, you sound like you could use some liquor (that'll be Tracey's gift!) and then come to NYC to visit. I can bake sugary goods. That'll be my contribution! :)

Big Hugs!

yoborobo said...

Dani - I know how this feels! Sometimes the stress of having so much to do and so little time and energy makes it feel like your head is going to pop. :) I hope you get some time to just do nothing at all, or have a glass of wine, or play with art. And eat chocolate!! You do so much for everyone - take some time for Dani!!!! xoxox Pam

sUz said...

pAm nailed it dAni, MAKE time for you (sugary sweets and a bit of alcohol might be a good start). Lil' mama, you can only give so much before you have to refill your spirit. You are so loved and appreciated, always remember that.
HUGE hugs,
sUz :)

~dani~ said...

I want to thank you all so much for your kindness and the smoothing of my ruffled feathers ;) I SO need just a few days to unwind with no real adult worries ;) The way I am wired is I have to let loose and have fun every so often or I will meltdown. Cancun, anyone? lmao~

Iva Wilcox of Iva's Creations said...

Hang in there! You're doing a great job and it will all pay off! We all get to that point in our lives when we're over stressed, over committed and just plain tired, but it too shall pass. Sending positive energy your way!!

~dani~ said...

btw..I apologize now for my plethora of misspelled words and misuse of their vs there and whatever else I botched up in my spew of text ;) I am too lazy to go back and fix them and am currently ok with appearing uneducated ;)

Big Hugs Iva.. I do know that this will pass and I am just hoping it will be by morning ;)

Bonnie said...

Wish I could help in some way, darn hang in there Dani and take some time for yourself...
you are one awesome person.

Monkey-Cats Studio said...

Oh gosh Dani...don't make yourself sick over us and focus on what you need to do to stay healthy and enjoy life!! I love that you are so motivated and passionate, but sometimes our world reminds us that a little down time is necessary...Cancun sounds warm and wonderful--WHEN?!!!! I need to renew my Passport immediately! Tee Hee!!

Marie Patterson Studio said...

{{HUGS}} my dear friend! You know that I'm only a phone call away!
I'll be in NYC on Sat. but home Sun

Here's a little funny mental visual that will make you laugh....I've got cotton stuck all over me making spun cotton ornaments today...LOL!

Sweet B Folk Art said...

Hey Lady - remember this place in time is only temporary! (as I keep telling myself) try to "live in the moment" and enjoy it - You have tons of friends and "family" out here ready to help if needed!

If that doesn't help to calm you.... do two shots of something strong and watch some junky Bravo T.V (works for me!)
those "atlanta housewives" really put things in perspective dont they!

~dani~ said...

Sweet B ..LMAO..Those housewives shows are like watching a flippin train wreck.. Once you see it you can't help but look! I am already in a better place since my venting but not 100% cured yet-but working very hard to cool my jets long enough to get the breather I need so I can begin attack mode again ;)

Thanks for the smiles and the perspective-you are dead on!

Victorian Lady said...

Love you Dani! :)

There are some people that go through life and only think back on it after they lived it, thinking about all the coulda, shoulda, wouldas.

Then there are people like you that realize that we only have so much time here and want to make the most of every itty bitty second. This can be bittersweet- because there is a sense of frustration that there is always something more we want to fit in, to make sure we enjoy every single breath.

Here's to stomping through those tough times, every now and then taking a chance to breathe that breath, recooperate from our efforts, and never having a case of the coulda, shoulda, wouldas!


P.S. Just thought you might like to know that just knowing you has made me get off my *ss more and do something with the breaths I have left! :)

~dani~ said...

Wow..Mere, I am speechless. Thank you so VERY much from the bottom of my heart. Love & hugs~

Jackie said...

Aww Dani.....I know the feeling, so do I!! Next time, vent and pick up the phone!! Breathe, your so loved honey :) I always say and believe, when your life gets unbalanced and into a funk, God is evolving you and your art. I know its frustrating, but embrace it and through the journey something new will arrive :)

Tracy M. said...

Hi Dani, I know how you feel. Sometimes life gets overwhelming and you just have to vent. I sure wish I lived closer so I could give you a hand, or at the least an ear. Hopefully your visit with Marie will give you the break you so need.
Take Care of yourself and thanks so much for all you do for us @ STJ!!!!
Hugs to you,
Tracy M.

Tracy M. said...

Oh Yea! A bottle of wine works pretty good too. ;)

By Way of Salem said...

I applaud you and your honesty! Good for you for venting. I think you've done a marvelous job of creating a fabulous artists mecca. So many of my fellow friend artists are in your group and yes, I still one day aspire to me, but from what I've seen you really do a ton for everyone and it does get to you. Just know that I'm sure everyone appreciates all that you do! Take a breather, have some chocolate, retail therapy is always good too! Good luck in 2010!

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