Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The curveballs keep coming

So what an unusual post this will be but none the less I feel like it's what I want to do. So, some of you know me and some know of me. I suppose I have made a small name for myself in certain circles. Of course I do plaster myself and my work in the arts online enough. But, I don't think any of you know that I have had had a "missing" brother named Scott for over 20 years.

When he was 19, he just vanished. Now, you should understand we share the same Dad only. I was 15 and we were best buddies. Although we grew up separate with no contact until we were teens, it was like two long lost besties found each other. He would drive me to Ithaca, NY to his college on the weekends, all the way from Seaside Heights, NJ. He would visit me when he could and call me. And when I was a lil older he would take me to parties and do fun stuff all the while being the protective brother whom I knew, loved & cared for me very much, or so I thought.

My relationship that my brother and I had with our father was iffy at best on most occasions. But my brother Scott had the distinction of dealing with Dad for much longer than I did.

The short is, to the best I have been told: some prize winning fight ensued between Dad and Scott. Scott took his stuff and left everything. These were days before Facebook and Cell phones so short of driving to Ithaca (wasn't old enough), he could not be found.
I tried everything a teenager could to locate him. I tried calling all of the usual suspects with never an answer or a returned message. For a long time I imagined the worst and would just keep checking what little was on the internet at that time.

Eventually, my Dad got word from cousins in Florida that he was OK and living in the Sunshine state! Such a gift to know!! But then I realized he never called me. Not once in all those years to say hello, I'm OK, I'm sorry, - NOTHING!

I can tell you that I put so many work hours into finding him and shed so many tears that I could just scream bloody murder.
Long story into short, he finally answered the phone one day 7 years ago. I said like a lil school girl..
it's Danielle, omg!!! Can you Talk!!!???
Scotts response:
uh..........um.......Why Not?
because I have a dinner party, I have to go.
Can I call you back or ......ah...should I not?
Don't call back............

I still cannot fathom what I could have done as a young girl that would cause him to act this way towards me. Especially, after how close we had become. Confused is an understatement.

Why, do I bring this up now..20 + years later? Well, while searching my family tree online, I bumped into Scott (whom I have since tried desperately to pull from my memory bank) it seems my brother who has been hiding electronically speaking since the day he left, finally put something in his name...A FACEBOOK PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A picture of him, his wife and two beautiful boys.

I would've been such a great Auntie.

Hate to tell ya Scott, but you look just like Dad.


LuLu Kellogg said...

I will never understand why people do some of the things they do. He has NO idea on the wonderful sister he's missing out on. What a tremendous loss for him.

Sending love and BIG arse bear hugs your way.

Love you more than you know!

yoborobo said...

Dani - OMG. How much hurt has he heaped on you? I'm with LuLu. He has missed out on a wonderful sister, and a fabulous aunt for those kids. Words fail me, so I'll just send you hugs. xox Pam

Chicken Lips said...

Wow Dani - that is amazing! I know all too well how hurtful family can be. It's a shame he has missed out on a relationship with such a wonderful person as you - his loss! Hope this at least brought some satisfaction to you and didn't open up a whole can of worms.

MoonRae said...

"but you look just like Dad"
I think I may see a little smile sweetie....

Anonymous said...

I am sure you didn't do anything to cause this reaction from him. Maybe he cared for you too much, who knows he might have done everyone a huge favour by leaving for good. Try to forgive him, I am sure he did what he thought was best. I can feel your pain, but chin up, there are plenty who love you.

Anonymous said...

I just happened upon this blog and I know this must feel really painful. I have to say that as painful as it is for you there must be something that is inside of him that was tremendously hurt by your father. A person doesn't walk away like that unless they could not take the pain anymore. He moved away in order to survive his life. I am sure he had to sever all ties so that he would not have any reminders of the pain that was taken in by your father.
We're all born with a genuinely beautiful heart and sometimes the parents are damaged from their upbringing and they unknowingly inject it into their children.
Learn to see it from his point of view and KNOW that he is just taking care of himself and is learning to live his life in the way he is choosing. Also know, it has nothing to do with you, this is HIS choice. I can tell you that he loves you, his pain is just so great that he cannot be with you at this time. Notice that he has someone he loves and that he has children. That means he is doing okay. Can you imagine the pain he must have been in that he had to leave....everyone?

Life isn't over, there is always....someday. He is not doing this to hurt anyone, he is just trying to salvage his life.

Peace to you.

kristi said...

When he was 19, he just vanished. Now, you should understand we share the same Dad only. I was buy Acai Berry 15 and we were best buddies. Although we grew up separate with no contact until we were teens, it was like two long lost besties found each other.

gafas de sol armani said...

Muy contento de ver tu blog, gracias compartir tantas cosas interesantes. Espero que en el futuro se puede ver el día de publicación más interesante!

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